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Our Sense of Humor
22 Reasons Why Being a Republican Ain't Easy
 1.
Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
3. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi- national corporations can make decisions affecting all
humankind without regulation.
4. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're
a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.
5. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops
in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If you don’t teach sex education, adolescents won't have
sex.
9. HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the very
best interests of the public at heart.
10. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing
health
care to all Americans is socialism.
11. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science,
but
creationism is absolutely true and should be taught in schools.
14. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has
done millions
of business with the Bin Laden family.
15. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld
reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made
war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then
a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election
campaign as the "war president".
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which should include banning gay marriages, suspending
civil rights and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades,
but
George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's
library, and is none of our business.
18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital
national interest but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.
19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but
trade with China is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".
20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but that it is OK for your Daddy
and
his friends to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much,
to
dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your
company
Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship of
Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President.
21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no
tomorrow and run up deficits that someone else’s grandchildren
will
have to pay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as
possible to rich people who do not need it.
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