Our Sense of Humor

Tender Hearts Animal Rescue Answering Machine Message:

Hello, You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving,please listen closely to the following options and choose theone that best describes you or your situation:

• Press 1 if you think we are veteranians and want free medical advice.
• Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.
• Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard (house).
• Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.
• Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time.
• Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation.
• Press 7 if you just got a new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to dump of the old one.
• Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
• Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.
• Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their elderly dog because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.
• Press 11 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150#, 8-year-old, unneutured, aggressive dog.
• Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the dog you no longer want.
• Press 13 if you cared for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog.
• Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
• Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message telling us you left a dog in our yard in the middle of January.
• Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your dog that you have had for 15 years, because it is not our responsibility.
• Press 17 if you threaten to take your 10 year old dog to be euthanized because we can't get to your house in an hour.
• Press 18 if you want one of our many perfectly trained, housebroken, kid- and cat- friendly purebred AKC tiny dogs.
• Press 19 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's cats.
• Press 20 if you have already called once and been told we don't take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different answer.
• Press 21 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
• Press 22 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
• Press 23 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or bunny for Easter and it is now is no longer cute.
• Press 24 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.
• Press 25 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
• Press 26 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is declawed, but you can’t believe cat's behavior is altered because of your nice furniture
• Press 27 if your male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.
• Press 28 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
• Press 29 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and have had no success.
• Press 30 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and you are angry because no one called you back.
• Press 31 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter's
birthday and you forgot when she was born.
• Press 32 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you need a different
color or breed.
• Press 33 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the dog.

We Salute our Rescuers, Volunteers & Supporters!
Golden/Lab Retriever Rescue Coastal Chapter